Managing Editor Scott Wright has been with The Post since 1998. He is
a past winner of the Society of Professional Journalists' Green Eyeshade
Award for humorous commentary. He is also the author of "A History
of Weiss Lake." He is a native of Cherokee County.

 
The Wright Angle
July 20, 2009

El Aces Loaded win season opener

By Scott Wright

Author's note: This article was originally written for private use by the members of my softball team. Nicknames are based on the menu items that adorn the backs of our jerseys. No sense of humor? Please stop reading this immediately.

CENTRE — Select members of La Cabana’s El Aces Loaded took the field amidst swirling clouds of red dust and general apathy Thursday, July 16 and, with great skill and determination – and a slight assist from a 20-year-old softball-playing cyborg – eked out a 13-9 win over division opponent David’s Appliance in the first game of the 2009 season.

Aces Loaded opened the scoring in the bottom of the first with two runs. A few minutes later, despite the superior pitching of Scott “Cheese Dip” Wright, David’s Appliance managed to tie the game. 

Coach Kevin “T-Bone Mexicano” Turner did not react well to the team’s third inning slip. 

“You people suck,” Turner was heard to mutter under his breath as he hobbled back to the dugout on his good knee. “I wish I was at home watching reruns of ‘Deadliest Catch’.” 

Speaking of deadly catches, outfielders Jake “Pollo Don Peppin” Graves and Clint “Potato Fajita” Allen were perfect in the field for Aces Loaded, snagging several deep shots in the early innings that kept David’s Appliance from permanently capitalizing on their opponents' general laziness and total lack of speed on the bases. 

The teams traded the lead until the bottom of the fourth, when Graves clobbered an ill-advised float ball from the opposing pitcher. Graves’s stand-up triple cleaned off two base runners and gave Aces Loaded a lead that the team did not relinquish, despite several concerted attempts to do so. 

Members of the Centre Softball Complex grounds crew later determined that a section of the left field fence may have to be replaced because of the damage inflicted by the line-drive from Graves, who has been working out for several days.  

Clean-up work in the late innings included a miraculous back-handed grab by shortstop Scott “How’d That Get in There” Pruitt and several (understatement alert) crisp tosses to first base by recent Cherokee County High School graduate Jacob Morgan – who should probably be returning punts in the NFL instead of mopping up behind a bunch of over-the-hill never-weres.

First baseman Bill “Speedy Gonzales” Hawkins also deserves a mention for knocking down all the bullets Morgan fired in his direction. Local EMT crews have been notified to be on standby in case Morgan plays with Aces Loaded again, however, because we all know Bill’s luck never lasts for very long. 

Graves, named the player of the game by his teammates, was awarded the “Game Sombrero,” which he will wear during warm-ups for the team’s next opponent. 

“I’m not really sure having to wear this stupid hat is much of an incentive to play well,” Graves said in a post-game interview. “I look like one of the Three Amigos.” 

“Yeah, he looks like Lucky Day,” exclaimed teammate Kevin “Free Chips ‘N Salsa” Green, who is a complete cheapskate. "Hey, that's funny! Lucky Day. Ha!"

Green was referring to the character played by Steve Martin in the 1986 movie. “I really don’t think Graves will have to worry about having to wear the sombrero again. I’m pretty sure he had his eyes closed when he was swinging at that pitch – probably on the fly balls, too.” 

“He totally ice cream-coned the second one,” softball fan Kelly Turner confirmed with a giggle. 

“Ooooo! Ice cream!” screamed Aces Loaded fanatic Joy Allen, who is with child.