As it stands, after one week as an “expert” prognosticator on the weekly WEIS Radio End Zone Show, I am apparently not – not! – smarter than a 6th grader. (Somewhere in Cherokee County, Melba Mitchell is shaking her head in disappointment.)  

Last week on the air, I told host Kurt Duryea he used the term “expert” extremely loosely when he used it to refer to me. Still, I picked eight winners against only three losers. No great feat that, since as long as SEC teams are still working through the “patsy” portion of their schedules, a lot of these picks can be deduced with minimal effort. In other words, even I can do it.  

Take last week’s Cincinnati vs. Tennessee game, for example. I mean, who in their right mind would pick against an SEC team facing an opponent that has only managed to win one more game than it has lost (552-551-51) in its entire 124-year history? 

Sorry, Nolen – didn’t mean to rub that in. 

Anyway, since I’ve already dispensed with the “expert” WEIS Radio football analyst, all I have to do now to move into first place – and hopefully stay there – is be two picks better than Herald Sports Editor Shannon Fagan and one pesky 12-year-old.  

I figure this is going to be falling-out-of-a-tree easy. Here goes. 

North Texas at Alabama
Expect backup quarterback Phillip Sims to see his fair share of playing time this weekend. At his press conference Monday, Tide coach Nick Saban spelled it out pretty clearly. “We’d like to play Phillip if we get the opportunities to play him.” Look for Sims to get plenty of opportunities to shine Saturday. Final: 49-6, Alabama

Troy at Arkansas
Troy played Clemson tough for three quarters in week one. However, the Hogs are 28-0 against opponents from the Sun Belt Conference and Troy hasn’t beaten a ranked team since John Kerry got swiftboated. Even if starting quarterback Tyler Wilson doesn’t play because of the concussion he suffered last week, look for Troy to help the Hogs by once again folding in the fourth. Final: 34-17, Arkansas

Auburn at Clemson
If Gene Chizik is smart he will stop the team bus at the first convenience store he comes to in Georgia so he can buy a lottery ticket. The way his luck has been running lately, he’ll probably win the Powerball. Clemson’s new offensive coordinator wants to see more explosiveness from his team’s new no-huddle offense and Auburn’s McGruber-like defense will help light that fuse, early and often. The Clemson defense seems pretty lousy, too, so woe be unto the scoreboard operator in Death Valley. Auburn’s luck has got to run out soon; I say Clemson coach Dabo Swinney goes “all in” late and hits a winner on the river. Final: 51-49 Clemson

LSU at Mississippi State
If Les Miles had made the same bonehead call that Dan Mullens did last week at the end of the Auburn game, there would have been a run on Miles’s photograph in Louisiana so Tiger fans could redecorate their dartboards. Instead, Miles made a wise decision in the second half of LSU’s blowout win: He rested every single one of his starters. Mississippi State, on the other hand, will be dragging into its second game five days removed from a demoralizing, last-second loss. FINAL: 33-10, LSU

Ole Miss at Vanderbilt
The Rebels lost at home to BYU in week one because their defense couldn’t keep the opposing offense off the field (69-57 advantage in offensive plays for the Cougars). Last week against Connecticut, the Vanderbilt offense managed a win despite converting only two of 16 third-down attempts. Combine that dismal showing with the clock-depleting skills of Rebel running back Jeff Scott (16 carries for 129 yards and three TDs last week), and I see the Vandy offense spending a lot of time on the sidelines Saturday afternoon. FINAL: 28-13, Ole Miss

Tennessee at Florida
Some Alabamians would argue that having this much orange on the field at once should be considered a criminal act. (Based on a few of the harebrained ideas that emanated from the Alabama Legislature’s most recent session, I wouldn’t rule out the possibility that someone in Montgomery is working on such a bill right now.) Fans in Tennessee believe that Vols QB Tyler Bray can engineer a shootout win against a Florida team in its third game with new offensive coordinator Charlie Weis. I think as long as Florida runs the ball well and plays a little defense, Bray will run out of bullets. FINAL: 31-23, Florida

Navy at South Carolina
Despite Stephen Garcia’s solid performance a week ago, the Gamecock passing attack is remains suspect. Therefore, look for South Carolina to lead with the ground game early against the Midshipmen, who lost eight defensive starters (all up front) from a year ago. Steve Spurrier knows exactly what the rest of us know, which is that the only way Navy can win this game is to force mistakes and score off the resulting turnovers. I don’t think the Old Ball Coach is going to allow that to happen. FINAL: 24-13, South Carolina

Louisville at Kentucky
I picked against an SEC team playing an out-of-conference opponent last week and lost, so I’m hesitant to repeat the mistake here. Still, Kentucky’s head coach is a guy named Joker and my first three attempts to Google anything in the neighborhood of “Louisville vs. Kentucky 2011 preview” got me a couple of stories about basketball and another about the Kentucky Derby. If the guys at Google didn’t do any research on this game, why should I? Let’s simply stick with the SEC. FINAL: 26-17, KENTUCKY

Coastal Carolina at Georgia
Keep collecting boxes and stockpiling packing tape, Mark Richt. Your walking papers have been sent to the printer’s for final editing. So thoroughly do I believe that Richt is phoning it in at this point in his tenure that I vow, here and now, if the Bulldogs are better than 3-4 after the Vanderbilt game on Oct. 15, I’ll wear a Georgia jersey to the WEIS End Zone Show on Oct. 20. They ought to be selling for nearly nothing by then. FINAL: 43-3, Georgia 

Georgia State at Jacksonville State
We all know Bill Curry’s young program isn’t very good yet. But after last week I am beginning to wonder if we can say the same thing about Jacksonville State. The Gamecocks slipped to No. 16 in the polls after losing to UT-Chattanooga – a game all us prognosticators at the End Zone Show whiffed on. Jack Crowe’s boys will get back on the winning track this week, but I wonder if we’ll all pick JSU with so much confidence when the next quality opponent from the Ohio Valley Conference comes to town? FINAL: 38-13, Jacksonville State